The past few weeks have brought an exciting and crazy amount of change in my life. I finished up my summer internship, drove across the country in four days (with help from my awesome dad) to move to a new city, and now I’m in the second week of my Electrical Engineering PhD program that will keep me here for the next four to five years. It’s an exciting time for so many reasons, but all of this change can also be a bit crazy and scary to process.

Part of the transition to this new city has been looking to find a new church to call my home for the next few years. I’ve been looking for a tight-knit community of believers that I can be real with, that can bear each other’s burdens and celebrate each other’s joys, and that above all focuses on pursuing Christ together.

Above the stress of starting classes, my research assistantship and my teaching assistantship, as well as praying for a new Christ-centered community and getting used to a brand new city, one truth has become abundantly clear to me even as I shared bits of my testimony (which you can read in the first post on this blog, “God, the Storyteller”) with another believer the other day:

The most important thing I can possibly do during this time of transition is to keep Jesus at the center of my life.

That truth has been evident to me my whole life and is only becoming all the more clear now. The way I worded that statement when I mentioned it in my testimony the other day was “when I’ve kept my life centered around Jesus, all the outside things have just seemed to work themselves out.” It may seem like an oversimplification of a much more important truth, but the simplicity of that thought is calming. Trust in Jesus, and the rest will fall into place even amidst all the trials.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” – Jeremiah 29:11

One of the clearest examples of this truth in my life, a story which I both love and hate to share, happened during my undergraduate studies. It was the spring of my third year (of five, typical for my university’s engineering programs) and I was finally taking what many in my degree program would dub as the biggest weed-out course of them all. The course was notorious for requiring way too many hours of work on brutal lab assignments and exams, and for some (including me) the in-class lectures were nearly worthless for truly understanding the material. On top of it, I had over-committed myself to both classes and extracurriculars. It was my second semester of doing undergraduate research at the university, and I was on the leadership team for two different engineering honors societies I had recently joined.

For most of my life I had done pretty well with school, and I thought I could handle that semester too without much issue. Then, when I took this course, I immediately started struggling with the lab component and when the first exam came around, I ended up a 48% before the curve, and only a 62% after the curve.

My immediate thought was that I was going to fail the course, not even considering maintaining the A’s I had been used to. That semester was the first time I really struggled with time management and understanding the courses I was in, but what ended up happening after that was astounding. I buckled down, spent lots of time in prayer and worship (Ghost Ship’s “The Good King” and “Costly” albums were on repeat while working on those crazy labs and studying for exams), and really just surrendered the semester to Jesus. I said “God, there’s no way I have the strength or ability to do this on my own. I need You to bring me through, and I trust in Your goodness no matter the outcome.”

Saying that didn’t make my problems go away, and it was still one of the hardest semesters I’ve experienced. I was severely lacking on sleep and any sort of social life outside of school, and all of my hours were spent studying and working on labs for that class as well as keeping up with my other classes and extracurricular commitments. However, what did happen was I felt the most peace I had ever felt during a semester before, even with the circumstances going on around me. I started struggling less with some of the sins that had entangled me for a long time, I had more than enough energy to get through most days even without much sleep, and I was genuinely experiencing consistent joy in spite of all of the challenges I faced. By the end of the semester, when the final exam came around, I needed at least a 90% on the final to get an A in the course. I somehow earned a 90.5% on the final, and I got an A in the course I was convinced I was going to fail. I put Jesus at the center of that semester and surrendered it to Him, and that was the only reason I made it through.

That semester was the first of several hard semesters to come. This past spring semester before I graduated in May, I spent the last two months of the semester working from 9am to 2am on campus nearly every single day including weekends, where the only breaks I took were to go to church on Sunday evenings and to go to my church small group on Tuesday evenings. Most days I’d even go back to campus after church and after my small group to continue working late into the night. The key during that time, again, was keeping Jesus at the center. Regardless of the insanity going on around me with trying to graduate, I made getting to my church and my small group a priority that I wouldn’t miss for anything. That time spent focusing on Jesus and re-centering my priorities around Him each week is what kept me sane, and it was the best decision I could have made for myself as I continued throughout the semester.

Now, here I am in a brand new city where the only person I really know well is my roommate. A significant part of the reason I chose to come to this new graduate school rather than staying at my undergraduate university, where I had a good setup and a great research advisor I could have stayed with, was to get a fresh start. I knew I needed to get uncomfortable again in both work and my social life in order to really continue to grow during the course of my PhD. I had gotten too comfortable in my routine in my old city to the point of feeling stuck in a rut. I made plenty of mistakes in undergrad, and I wanted to get to a new city where no one knew me. Here, I could make brand new first impressions on those I’ll interact with for the next few years, and I could reinvent myself and my image, rededicating my life to serving Jesus Christ as I push forward towards the future I believe He has called me to. The key to all of that, of course, is in keeping Jesus at the center of everything I do here and in the future.

“Let the message of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” – Colossians 3:16-17

I love the way nobigdyl. includes a quote from his pastor at the end of his song “Orion”, which paraphrases 1 John 1:5 –

“God and His Word all through scripture

They’re compared to the sun

As soon as the sun gets out of the center of the solar system

Everything crashes. Everything goes chaotic

God is light and there is absolutely no darkness in him

The light shines in the darkness and yet the darkness did not overcome it”

 

In times where I haven’t had Jesus at the center of my life, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve dealt with mental health struggles that would keep me down, and things have just been all the more difficult. Focusing on keeping Jesus at the center of my life has always been what’s brought me back and what’s kept me going, and I know that I would be nowhere close to where I am today without His guidance and mercy shining throughout my life. Alternatively, there have sometimes been periods of life where “I was telling God to take the wheel but giving Him directions,” as Social Club Misfits say in their new song “Believe,” acting like I’m giving Jesus control while at the same time holding on too tightly to my own desires to truly let Him work in my life.

“Jesus at the center of it all

Jesus at the center of it all

From beginning to the end

It will always be, it’s always been You, Jesus

Jesus…

Nothing else matters, nothing in this world will do

Jesus, You’re the center, and everything revolves around You

Jesus, You, the center of it all”

– “Jesus at the Center” – Israel and New Breed

 

The way my mom would always speak this message into my life growing up was to “stay plugged in to your source.” Jesus, the only source of all my joy, all my peace, and all my strength. My prayer in this next season of life transitioning into grad school is that, above all, my focus would be on my Savior and His goodness, mercy and provision. Jesus, be the center of my life.

 

 

 

Related Music:

“Open Space” – Housefires

“Mystery” – Charlie Hall

“Jesus at the Center” – Israel and New Breed

“Anchor of My Soul,” “Consecration” – Josh Garrels

“Believe” – Social Club Misfits

“Orion” – nobigdyl.

“Orion”, “Fear and Love”, “Where Were You” – Ghost Ship

“Hard Days” – Jarry Manna